I hate arguing!

Especially with arguments that are so pointless. So full of time wasted, time that could be better spent talking about the problem. Solving the problem in a mature manner.

I hate arguing so much that I will literally state to my opposition, “I am not going to argue. Arguing is pointless.” And when the person I am addressing continues with their argument, I will say, “I’m serious. I will not argue. Talk. Yes. Argue. No way.”

Most times those words from me stop a yelling match, and instead bring forth calmness, or more likely the subject is changed entirely, which is fine anyway, because whatever it is that was being argued was completely not worth the effort. Seriously. And yes, I know, I will never land a part on a reality show because I wouldn’t produce enough drama to entertain an audience. But, whatever. Yelling sucks, talking repairs.

Today, though, my words didn’t work. Rudy kept ranting and raving about this and that (something about texting. See! What did I say? So mundane…) and I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t listen to his nonsense, so I left (to my hair appointment).

And, after my hair felt all shiny and new, instead of returning home and confronting Rudy and his argument, I drove straight to the beach. Crystal Cove State Park, to be exact, and I sat there breathing in the salty air and listened to the crashing of ocean waves. Destressing myself, until balance was again restored.

IMG_8003

Just a Story, based on a Kitchen

Maurice's kitchen

While talking, a man and his wife enjoyed their morning cup of coffee in their rather small kitchen. They were content there, with its cozy feel and just enough space for the two of them.

Their kitchen had become their place, a place to reminisce about days long past. And to dream. Dream about what will be.

They talked about how they had met fifty years previous, and were married within the month. They talked about their five children, each of whom had moved on, living their own lives, and how proud of them they were. The man and his wife talked about their love for each other. A never-ending endearment that began so long ago.

One morning, the man rolled out of bed, smelling the aroma of their morning brew. He gently guided his feet into his worn slippers then headed to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

Not long after, he found his wife sitting at the kitchen table, with a pained look on her face, clutching her chest. He could see that she was trying to say something; instinctively he knew he needed to call 911.

She was having a heart attack.

While the dispatcher listened to the man, he rushed to his wife’s side, tugging on the coiled phone cord, willing it to stretch across the table. He pulled up a chair and sat, facing her, knee to knee. The man didn’t know what to do, how he could help, so he simply held her face in his smooth, wrinkled hands, while clinching the phone between his ear and shoulder.

Within minutes, he heard the blare of an ambulance’s arrival, causing him to drop the phone, and yell to the medical team, alerting them to their location. They rushed into the kitchen and quickly began attending to his wife, maneuvering about in the confined space. The man stepped back, almost into the adjacent room, watching, tears flowing from from his eyes.

His neighbors, a young guy and his pregnant wife and their two adorable kids, offered to drive the elderly man to the hospital.

“I love her so much,” he kept repeating over and over. “I don’t know what I would do without Anne.”

After having a stent inserted into her artery to prevent further heart attacks and a little over a week in the hospital, Anne returned home. Her husband cared for her, with the help of their children, who had flown in from various locations.

Post-recovery, after their children were gone, the man and his wife returned to their morning ritual, sitting in their small, cozy kitchen. Conversations flowed easily. They shared well-worn stories of their past, dreams about their future, and most importantly, conversations about the present moment.

One morning, after many mornings of enjoying each others company, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” they both hollered in unison, smiling at each other.

The door opened, and a small boy and his sister entered, holding a basket full of homemade muffins and freshly ground coffee. The kids’ mom, dad, and their newborn brother followed, greeting the man and his wife with a hug.

“Well, good morning!” the wife said, pulling the boy onto her lap.

“What’s this?” the man wondered, smiling coyly, when the little girl handed him a drawing.

It was a colorful picture of the man and his wife, sitting in their kitchen, drinking coffee, and talking. Over their heads was a big red heart.

“It’s you two. You are in love,” she giggled, looking at her brother, who laughed and proudly stated,

“We drew it together. For both of you.”

The kids’ mom and dad clasped hands and looked at the joyful man and wife, sitting comfortably in their kitchen. The young couple seemed to be dreaming about building a lifetime of cherished moments. Moments consistently filled with love.

Life’s Lessons

So many obstacles
have been carefully placed
in the path of our relationship.
Yet,
Rudy and I
have managed to challenge them
and have either quickly jumped,
or slowly crawled,
over them
using
our last bit of strength
until
finally
we
land
standing
together
hand in hand.

Most times
the lessons learned
take a while to understand,
to help us grow
just a bit more,
tightening the vow
we are both
committed to uphold.
We have had to
dig deep
within our souls
to consider
what is important
in life.

We know.
We understand.

Obstacles
aren’t meant
to
raze
our relationship,
but rather
they are
nudges
to build
upon
an
already
solid
foundation.

Love Is In The Air

Back in the day, long ago, a few days after Rudy and I first met, he called me. During that time I was living at home with my parents. I’m almost certain we met on a Saturday night and on the following Thursday evening he murmured into my ear, into the phone, something about

“Do you remember me?”

The night we met I was taken aback with how kind Rudy was. His behavior toward me felt very honest. Our carefree conversation was, simply-put, comfortable. As we strolled down the sidewalk along the edge of a congested boulevard he guided me away from the curb, placing himself in that possibly dangerous position. A chivalrous behavior that welled up a homespun emotion in me. He didn’t realize it then that he had made a move just as my dad would have. He protected me from harm’s way.

“Of course I remember you,” I said quietly, shyly.

After several pleasantries, Rudy proceeded to ask me if I’d like to go out the following night. Unfortunately, and honestly, I already had plans so I declined his invitation. Feeling disappointed yet confident, he called again the next Thursday, immediately mentioning

“I had a dream about you last night.”

As nice and genuine as I figured him to be, warning bells chimed. The warning wasn’t overbearing, just cautious.

‘Was he already going there? Making sexual innuendos?’ I asked myself.

I wasn’t sure. His voice tone seemed innocent; as if he was just making a sweet remark, admitting that he was thinking about me, even in his dreams.

Rudy continued to call for the next several Thursday nights, and each time I declined, not because I wasn’t willing to give it a go, but because I seriously had other obligations.

About six weeks after our first encounter I had heard that Rudy, who had decided I wasn’t into him due to all my excuses not to hang out, might show up at the nightclub my friends and I were going to. And, well, because the two of us never really made a seriously serious connection, I was hesitant about seeing him.

“Do not leave me alone with him!” I pleaded with my friends.

Yet, later, as Rudy and I sat together, laughing and enjoying each others company, my loyal pals bounded over and tried to drag me to safety.

“It’s okay.” I whispered. “He really is nice. I’m fine.”

Every Thursday night thereafter, Rudy would walk down the block to the nearby mini-mart near his apartment, and call me. We’d talk, and make plans to hang out, on both Friday and Saturday nights, plus Sunday afternoons. Long gone were the weekends of other obligations. Rudy and I quickly connected, permanently, becoming each other’s priority.

Step on a Crack…

 

As kids, my brother Kit and I
would walk
to our elementary school,
trying so hard
not to
step on a crack
because we didn’t want to 

break our mother’s back!

sidewalk

We also did not step on a line,
which would be bad for her spine!

The other challenge, the one involving our luck,
came unexpectedly, out of nowhere,

forcing us to jump over the squares of cement
that held a metal disk.

The kind with some serious-looking number(s)
and a couple letters on them.

close up of metal disk

And, the thing was, it was anyone’s guess
which cemented section had them, and which didn’t.

Because,
if we didn’t, jump over those squared-off portions,
our luck would change, for the worse.

Which could have meant
we would step on a line or a crack,
jeopardizing our mother’s health.

Whew!

What a walk!

balls

“Aunt Fern told me a story, an embarrassing lesson she learned, when she was a young school girl,” my 91 year old mom started, as I gently held her hand, listening to an old memory of hers. (Note: this was a conversation that happened 4 years ago, as my mom is now 95 years old.)
“She told you the story while you were living with her in Los Angeles? When you were a young girl?” I questioned.
“Yes.”
“Go on,” I urged.
“Well, when she was a about ten years old, and this was around 1906, mind you, she was walking to school, just like I had to when I ended up going to the same school as she did.”
“Really? You went to the same school as Aunt Fern?” I asked.
“Uh huh. Different decades, of course,” my mom made clear.

“Any-way,” my mom wanted to continue.

I nodded encouragement.

“Everyday, she had to pass the prison located next to the school. Aunt Fern saw prisoners sitting down, resting, she assumed. They were sitting on those huge metal balls that were chained to their ankles.”

“Seriously? Sitting right there? Out in the open? As people walked by? Near the school?” I was amazed.ballandchain

My mom nodded her head, up and down. She looked like she had just realized how strange that was, for prisoners to just be sitting there, out in the open, so exposed.

“Weird,” I said.
“Hm,” she seemed lost in thought. But then she added, “I guess that was normal back then. Well, as it was, Aunt Fern just walked by. She didn’t say a word. Why would she, really? She just walked past the men sitting down and entered the school grounds. She strolled into her classroom, exclaiming, ‘Those men out there are sitting on their balls.'”

I giggled.

“Everyone busted out laughing, the teacher included,” my mom’s eyes lit with humor, as she finalized her story. “Aunt Fern was confused,” my mom giggled. “She didn’t understand the concept of what she had said. The meaning behind it.

What’s so funny?‘ Aunt Fern had asked a school mate, a wise girl who explained the importance of word choice.

She was so embarrassed. She told me all she could do was simply lower her face into her hands and close her eyes. She rocked her head side to side, waiting for all the laughter to die down.”

My mom smirked then looked at me. Whereby I began to laugh.

A boy, his XBOX, and a Soccer Game

 

He stumbles out of the bedroom with bedhead hair and heads straight to the adjacent bathroom where he wakes himself up by splashing water onto his sleep-swollen face, and uses minty paste to brush away night air that had settled in his mouth. She hears the toilet flush before he walks into the living room. He greets her with a “Hello” before he plops down on the couch, in front of the rather large TV. She smiles, noting the mess of hair; hair that doesn’t seem to be a concern of his. Hair that he tangles some more with the addition of headphones.

IMG_7827She stands in the kitchen, organizing counter space, while watching him through the cut-out square faux window that connects the two rooms. He sits, somewhat slouched, gamer remote comfortably held by both hands, fingers grasping both sides, giving him complete control of the game. From where she stands she can see the lowercase red b engraved on his black earbuds. She knows the headphones drown outside sound when she asks if he’d like a cup of hot chocolate. He doesn’t move, doesn’t answer. She decides to leave him alone and just watch. Watch him enjoy his day off from school, playing an online soccer game.

His face twitches as he becomes part of the game. All she can hear is his side of the conversation. She hears him discuss plays he and his online, never met them before, teammates should try. He antagonizes his opponents. He laughs. He gets frustrated. “NO!” he yells. She hears him command a teammate to “CROSS! Contain him! Wow! Get the ball! Right here!” The online (pretend) stadium-crowd cheers. Loud. He’s so focused on the game that he doesn’t hear her when she asks him, again, if he’d like a hot drink. She decides later would be a better time. “Come on! Just shoot it!” he shouts. “BOO-YAAAAAAAA! I told you I was open!” he said into the mouthpiece, to a teammate. “Oh, that was beautiful! Now do a dipping curve. Nice! Line all the defenders at the post. Ah, almost!” He continued to narrate all the plays without realizing she was listening, watching, enjoying. He cheered. “Yes! Yes! We won! 4 to 3!”

She stopped watching him when he set the remote down, stood, and walked into the kitchen. She reached out the hot cup of cocoa she had prepared for him. “Oh, thanks,” he stated. “That game is so awesome!” he added, excitedly. “Oh, really?” she commented. “I would never have guessed.”

Dreams Do Come True

When I was a little girl.

daphne 5yrs.

I’ve been told.
That I talked about.
Getting married some day.
Having kids.
And becoming a teacher.

Those were my dreams.
The dreams of a little girl.

Well, what do you know?
Dreams do come true.

Understanding Boundaries

IMG_1738

Setting boundaries makes life easier and expectations are better understood. It may take time for those boundaries to cement themselves in place, but the effort is definitely worth it. 

I sent this sentiment to my kids this morning, just a random feeling I felt about what we give and take within our daily lives, the setbacks and promises.

You see, we all need, each one of us, space to thrive. Our own space. So that when we choose to bring others into our circle, we are ready to engage, fully.

If the boundaries we set are loose and inconsistent, then we never get to a place of knowing exactly what it is we hope for, whether it be within personal relationships or more of a happenstance of interacting with others in which we are all desiring the simple, daily respect we all deserve.

When we allow ideas and wishes to become jumbled, thrown around, without the thoughts required to attain the promises life presents to us it is only each of us, individually, that suffers.

Therefore, it’s important to set boundaries, carving out our own personal space to rejuvenate mind, body, and soul because then, and only then, will life’s rewards happen, allowing us to enjoy the joys of life.

he said, she said

 

lips

Rudy said I kissed him on the lips. I say it was his cheek. His left cheek, to be exact.

Everything before that moment Rudy and I seem to agree on.

We seem to have the same memory of when we noticed each other for the first time, and the slow dance later in the evening.

Yet, all these years later we still dispute what happened when the song was over, and the bright lights turned on inside the nightclub.

Rudy claims I smooched his lips. Sealed them with a knowing gesture. You know, like let’s take this to another level. And, OK, sure, another level of intimacy sounded pretty good to me; yet, I did not kiss his lips. Not at that moment.

But, I did press into him, slightly, to give his cheek a peck. A simple gesture meaning thank you for this dance. That’s it. No more.

I’m right, and he knows it.