relationships

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Pack Up the Living Room

Here’s a fantasy:

I’d like to pack up the living room, and carefully place it inside my backpack. I’d take it with me everywhere I’d go. Not only would the comfort of home provide a sense of peace, but it would allow me all the privacy I need.

You see, I’d unpack the invisible room cliffside, the never-ending ocean my only view. Then, I’d grab a cup of coffee, plop down onto my big denim chair, pop open the laptop, and spend the afternoon writing.

Ah, serenity.

Or, maybe I’d cruz into the middle of a large area where crowds of people spend the day, say Central Park in New York, and I’d unpack my secret space and enjoy the scenery without anyone seeing me. So fun. So voyeuristic. So sneaky.

Oh, so entertaining.

I could imagine that I’d jump on an airplane, backpack and room my only companions, and travel abroad. I’d plant my imagination into the middle of an African Safari, smack dab where the animals roam. I’d watch with a fascination unlike no other. So close. So personal.

So crazy-wild.

But, here I sit, in my living room, wishing, dreaming, and writing, knowing that not all fantasies come true.

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A 16 Year Old

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He sits and looks me in the eye.

He self-reflects. Considers his thoughts.

He speaks to himself, but gazes at me.

He needs to know that I’m paying attention.

I am.

His depth of reasoning is something to behold, to cherish, to appreciate.

He’s only 16.

I listen to him while he contemplates his feelings.

Speaks his thoughts.

He wonders about life.

About school.

Friends.

Family.

Girls.

People.

He thinks about it all. About everything.

And constantly wonders how it fits into his life.

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Confidence

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It’s interesting being a teacher of young kids. I tend to reflect on my own youth quite a bit, watching these 10 year old students interact. I don’t remember being so sure of myself. So confident. Waves of emotions roll through the classroom, sure, but I must say, overall, most kids are just that, kids. They cheer for each other, enjoy simple pleasures, and bounce back from problems just as quickly as they arise.

I love it. The innocence.

Today, a student stood in front of the classroom, presenting her How-To project. She was making a smoothie. She was so calm, so matter-of-fact, so ready. She measured out the milk, then added some more. She plopped in some yogurt, sliced bananas, and ice. She laughed, claiming she put in too much milk. “Oh well,” she stated, as she continued. She made a mess, spilled ingredients. She vigorously shook a canister full of her cold drink. When asked why she didn’t bring a blender, she answered, without much thought, in a casual, whatever tone, “Because.” is all she said. And just as cool everyone nodded in response.

When everything was mixed up, she took a big swig of her drink. No hesitation. No worries. No concern what others might have thought. “Pretty good,” she smiled.

Students clapped. She bowed. Gathered up her items, and headed out the door to wash up her dishes.

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Being Vague

They say you’ve made improvements. They say it’s never been better. They say you’re just what’s needed.

They tell you not to worry. They tell you they’ve got a plan. They tell you the rewards will come.

They are being vague.

They don’t say what’s truly on their minds. They beat around the bush. They leave you feeling frustrated. Full of doubt. In a state of anger. They leave your hopes unfulfilled.

The improvements you’ve made seem pointless. Being better doesn’t matter. Their planning is fruitless. You begin to worry.

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An Ode to Rudy’s Youth

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After Rudy finished eating breakfast on the morning of his 5th birthday, he excitedly ran toward the front door, hoping to kick around the soccer ball in the front yard. Unfortunately, his mom stopped him before he had a chance to escape, reminding him he needed to dress in his nice clothes. The ones that lay neatly across his bed. Rudy kicked at the floor and scowled.

Ten minutes later he re-entered the living room wearing a short sleeved white collared shirt fashioned with yellow pinstripes, black slacks, and slick black shoes. His hair was neatly combed back, and a half smile creeped onto his face.

“Qué guapo, hijo!” his mom admonished.

After spending the morning visiting family members in neighboring homes and accepting birthday wishes and hugs from everyone, Rudy spent the afternoon hanging with friends, playing games, eating food, blowing out the candles on his cake, and finally watching a soccer match at the local field.

Later, as the sun began to set, Rudy sat in a rather large chair, facing the crowd of people, opening presents. With each gift the boys and girls clapped their hands, seemingly as excited as Rudy was. Suddenly, a huge box was brought over and placed directly in front of the birthday boy. In his mind, all Rudy could think was that this massive box must contain the fire truck that he had been hoping for. The motorized one, with an extra seat for another fireman behind him.

He cracked open the lid. Looked inside. And felt a bit disappointed. There was another sealed box inside, which, in his mind, meant it diminished the size of what the fire truck should be. An adult came over, pulled the second box out of the first box and placed it in front of Rudy. Again, he peeled open the lid of the box, finding, again, another box. This process repeated itself five more times, ending only when inside the final container was a very small black jewelry box.

Rudy held the tiny cube at arms length, considering the gift from some friends of his parents. With coaxing, he finally flipped the squeaky-hinged box open, finding a gold ring. For a second he felt completely disappointed.

He had no idea what to do with a ring. He had plenty of ideas for fire truck uses.

“Feliz Cumpleaños a ti! Feliz Cumpleaños a ti! Feliz Cumpleaños que rido, Rodolfo! Feliz Cumpleaños a ti!”

 

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Big Decision

Yep.

Big.

Decision.

I decided.

Not.

To.

Purchase.

A.

PowerBall ticket.

Because.

I.

Have.

No.

Idea.

How.

I’d handle.

What.

Comes.

With.

Such.

A.

Tremendous amount.

Of.

Money.

And.

More importantly.

Happiness

Is.

Not.

A.

Guarantee.



 


 


 

			

	
	



			
				



	
	


		
					

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Relationships

	


		

		
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Back when I met Rudy, in the early 80’s, it was simply a happenstance. A moment in time where we both were in the same place, at the same time. Nothing planned, just what many may define as meant to be. And to confirm that belief, all I can say is that we met at a tupperware party. Generally, a party for women. Women who’d sit around, socialize, and admire all the sturdy plastic food-saver containers.


At that point in my life, I was still living at home and had no need for such well-made items but I did want to hang out with my good friend who was the invitee to the party. Rudy, on the other hand, and a friend, were asked by the friend’s sister if they’d like to go to a party. Just that, a party. Not, you know, Par-tay! But he misunderstood. “Sure,” Rudy said, imagining all the crazy-dance-like-there’s-no-tomorrow-let’s-have-another-drink fun that’d be happening.


And, the rest is history, so says just about everyone.


Flash forward to 2016.


A conversation ensued with my son, him claiming it’s so difficult to meet anyone, anywhere.


“Not so,” I responded.


“Oh, Mom, I know, I know, you and Dad have the story of the century. You met, you dated, fell in love, married… blah, blah, blah.”


“I’m just saying that it does happen as simple as that.”


“Not these days. That’s why people are always searching on sites for dating, looking for compatibility and companionship because it isn’t simple.”


Sigh.


Later, I noticed his focus was solely on his phone. He laughed, said things like “Holy Shit!”, and seemed to be texting, whoever.


And it dawned on me, right then and there. The reason this new generation is having such a hard time meeting each other is that their faces are always in their phones. I see it all the time, everywhere. Two friends sitting next to each other, texting instead of talking. A girl not realizing a guy is smiling at her, a guy who could have been her future mate. Two people, on vacation, not truly enjoying the view because they’re searching for the perfect picture to share with their followers. Because, you know, a picture is worth a thousand words. And a conversation is well, just that, a conversation.


All I’ve got to say about relationship building is Drop the phone, people, Drop the phone.

			

	
	



			
				


			
				



	
	


		
					

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Random Sleep

	


		

		
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My eyes feel heavy, overworked, unable to function. They seem to be working overtime trying to stay open. My body tells me to give it up, lie down lady, lie down now. Close your tired eyes and rest.


Ah, yes. Rest.


My day is done. The hours of nurturing are over. It’s time to sleep.


My shoulders slump. I fall onto the bed. Onto my side. My head lands softly on the pillow. Blankets are gathered around, cocooning, warming me.


I sleep. For a moment. An hour. Half the night. Sometimes all night. I sleep enough, or not much at all, depending on how many night-noises invade my stupor.

			

	
	



			
				



	
	


		
					

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Watch This. Listen, too.

	


		

		
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I seriously love to people-watch. I am enthralled with the social aspect of human nature.


Every avenue of relationships pique my interest. I am oh-so curious how people, all kinds of people, everywhere, all over the place, in various situations react to this, that, and the other.


I like to dig deep into what is happening, simply by watching. Watching. Watching. Watching. And listening. Trying to decipher what is really going on. Deep. Down. Below. The. Surface.


I wonder, quite often, what would I do without people. People all around. People adding a dimension to my life that deepens my feelings toward the world at large.